Transition

transition
/tranˈzɪʃ(ə)n,trɑːnˈzɪʃ(ə)n,tranˈsɪʃ(ə)n,trɑːnˈsɪʃ(ə)n/
noun
the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.
“students in transition from one programme to another”
verb
undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition.
“he transitioned into filmmaking easily”
My husband asked me today why I no longer write, why I no longer blog. I kinda just kept quiet, because I really couldn’t say why.
Of course I have many thoughts, but I have been feeling so conflicted by what I deem a blog is and what it has become. I am generalising here, and I know that is not a very good habit, but I guess for me, my writing has always had to mean something, it always has to touch those who read it.
So when I am feeling down, frustrated and well slightly confused about life, I am unable to voice what I am feeling, let alone them into words. Yes, I am sure many of you would say that these are the moments that would make for the best writing, but I have been feeling like my voice isn’t all that important and not in need of being heard.
I cannot tell you where these weird feelings have come from, I have never really cared too much about who likes my writing or not but here, I have found myself, experiencing a weird sort of writer’s block for my blog.
It made me think, think long and hard, think about where I currently find myself in my life and I have come to the conclusion that I am changing, I am transitioning.
For the last couple of weeks, our pastor at church has been preaching and teaching about this concept of transition and though I knew I was experiencing many changes in my life, I never really thought that I was transitioning in the fullness of the word.
As per the dictionary, transition means moving from one state to another. But I guess this can be on various platforms and means many many different things to different people and to different scenarios.

 

I find myself so conflicted with what this means for me. I feel like I am constantly transitioning. These last decade has been nothing but one transition after the other.

From being single, to meeting my dream man Warren. Get met fell involve then got engaged. That was one transition. Six months later, we got married. Yet another transition.

Eighteen months later, we fell pregnant, transition time! We became first time parents and so that meant huge transitioning for us both.

We transitioned when we fell pregnant with our second child and transitioned when we then decided to buy a new home and renovate it when our youngest was a few days old.

So as you see I am no stranger to transition but in many ways, these are kind of planned transitions and though scary they also caused much excitement and newness in our lives.

Career or self transitioning on the other hand isn’t quit the same. I thought becoming a mother was possibly the hardest yet most rewarding change in my life, but I can honestly say changing careers is actually thee most stressful.

In July of 2018, I felt the deepest urge and desire to make a career change. To move out of  the classroom that I love so much to pursue the broader field of education. I honestly didn’t know what that meant but I did know that one, I needed to carve a new path as a working mother and secondly, I needed to somehow be more present for my children. I desired time, more time with my children, more time to find my purpose.

It took my hubby six more months to agree with the fact that I no longer fit the classroom, a gut feeling I guess but my heart had outgrown the space. We prayed and well on 5 December I hung up my teaching boots for a bit.

A transition I didn’t expect would make me feel so confused and frustrated.

Yes I am enjoying the time to be a full time mother, but I also hoped to still be involved in the education field. I signed up and did a course in Facilitation and Assessment and passed with flying colours, yay me. But alas, I still haven’t found the gap in the market that fits me.

I won’t ponder on this too much more, because I know God is working on me. He orders my footsteps after all. I guess this is why I am so quiet, I am trying to still my thoughts, I am trying to transition better, because let’s face it, transitioning can be so traumatic if we not careful.

I am also blessed to be at home to help take care of my mom, who is fighting cancer, but that’s a story for another day.

I have learnt that transitioning is such an exhausting time, and can certainly affect your body, mind, spirit and soul.  I am learning to feed my soul the right things. I am learning to listen more. I am learning to live with less. Less structure and less unnecessary clutter. Of course this also means I am learning to live with less money. Least of my worries, but who am I kidding when I say it doesn’t bother me.

I am in transition, learning to discover the new me. I am getting there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s