Seven months ago I had a baby girl. I know you know this. I know this. Yet I am having to remind myself to be patient with myself and that just seven months ago I gave birth to a healthy and happy baby girl.
As I just recently started back at work, I realized even more just how much pressure I place on myself. I wanted to come back looking like I was never pregnant at all. LOL! Given I am a little softer around the edges, despite eating well (as much as I can) and going to gym about five days in the week, I kinda still feel like I look pregnant. YIKES!
I have convinced myself that by the time I return to work that I should be a svelte size 8 again and that it was going to make me a better person. Hilarious! You know like when people are like, “Oh wow you look great, cant believe you just had a baby you look great.” But no, life isn’t always a movie.
Things change, bodies change and for good reason.
As you know I am such a big advocate for breastfeeding and one of the many benefits associated with it, is the possible weight loss for the mother. Well, well this was and is not the case for me.
Having lost 19 kgs after my first pregnancy with my son Eli, I was so determined to do it again and believed it would happen quickly, and with the added bonus of breastfeeding believed it was a sure thing.
It hasn’t happened for me , not yet. Doing everything right, and very very aware of my body and how it functions I decided to visit the doctor. After a good few tests that included checking my thyroid health, blood pressures, insulin resistance and all hormone levels, it turns out I actually have very suppressed levels of estrogen.
Bummer! I mean yes and no. I am the epitome of health, apparently, had it not been for the fact that my body decided it’s really good as producing milk and so my levels of prolactin (hormone responsible for lactation) is super high and estrogen low, and yes I have tons of breast-milk which is a really good thing ( trying to reduce supply these days) but my body is and has been holding onto all my fat cells for dear life.
Dilemma indeed! I cannot treat the issue without ceasing to breast-feed and if I continue to breast-feed I am unable to lose weight or rather it will just continue to be very difficult to do so, based on my test results.
So do I stop breastfeeding my little one? Well, I am still deciding.
I want to feel great about myself again but have to question seriously if feeling great is measured by the size of my jeans. I know well that it is my own insecurities that stand in my way and I am working on exactly this. My ability or rather my limitations in loving myself.
Now that I have a daughter, I am so conscious about how I would one day exemplify a confident woman with a good body image. I would never want her to think she isn’t beautiful no matter her size,or the texture of her hair, or the shape of her nose, or the shade of her skin. I would want her to love herself despite what society says.
Yet, I have to be honest when I say its rather easier to preach than to practice. BUT I am aware of the fundamental flaw in my make-up and that is that I care too much about what others think and I am daily working on myself.
For me it simply starts with choosing to be thankful for the things I do have and the acceptance that things will get better on the physical level , if the mental and spiritual level is well taken care of. I am learning to love myself.
The change won’t happen overnight but it will happen of this I am sure.